Woody Allen - "Without Feathers"

The wicked at heart probably know something.
Woody Allen
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen - Just Six Numbers, Martin Rees, page 71
Eternity is very long, especially towards the end.
Woody Allen
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen - Without Feathers
Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?
Woody Allen
Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen - Annie Hall
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Woody Allen
There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
Woody Allen - Without Feathers
Thought: why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Whosover loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.
Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded - dead.
Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
Is sex dirty? Only if you do it right.
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
I am at two with nature.
Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Woody Allen
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen - Without Feathers
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE
Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead.
Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.
Woody Allen
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Woody Allen
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought---particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen - Without Feathers
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love -- the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
Woody Allen
How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.
Woody Allen
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Woody Allen
Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen - Without Feathers
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought -- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal
Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?
Woody Allen
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen - Without Feathers
Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.
Woody Allen
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately?
Woody Allen
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to utter hopelessness and despair, the other to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Woody Allen
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.

Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence, so why bother shaving?
Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded: dead.
Woody Allen
Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end.
Woody Allen
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

- Woody Allen - "Without Feathers"