W. C. Fields

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields - in Richard J. Anobile - "Godfrey Daniels"
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

- W. C. Fields