Terry Pratchett - The Colour of Magic

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
Terry Pratchett - Jingo
It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence could be safely ignored.
Terry Pratchett - Equal Rites
For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
Terry Pratchett - Hogfather
An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Terry Pratchett - Feet of Clay
Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate...
Terry Pratchett - Guards! Guards!
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
Terry Pratchett - Small Gods
No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.
Terry Pratchett - "Small Gods" (1992)
Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.
Terry Pratchett - Sourcery
"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
Terry Pratchett - Guards! Guards!
A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
Terry Pratchett - The Fifth Elephant
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
Terry Pratchett - A Discworld Novel
The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.
Terry Pratchett - Small Gods
He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.
Terry Pratchett - Monstrous Regiment
[The pamphlet] was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.
Terry Pratchett
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
Terry Pratchett - Eric
The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel. This is essentially the basis of all military thinking.
Terry Pratchett - Hogfather
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
Terry Pratchett - Small Gods
When the least they could do to you was everything, then the most they could do to you suddenly held no terror.
Terry Pratchett - Jingo
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
Terry Pratchett - Pyramids
What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"
Terry Pratchett - Equal Rites
For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
Terry Pratchett - Wyrd Sisters
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
Terry Pratchett - Men at Arms
Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease and burnt crunchy bits.
Terry Pratchett - Moving Pictures (regarding popcorn)
If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.
Terry Pratchett - The Fifth Elephant
A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
Terry Pratchett - Moving Pictures
Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street- cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.
Terry Pratchett
Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.

- Terry Pratchett - The Colour of Magic