Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield - monologue
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

- Rodney Dangerfield