Rita Rudner

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called ``New Car Interior.'

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

My mother buried three husbands ... and two of them were only napping.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

- Rita Rudner