Oscar Levant

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too.

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

A dollar saved is a quarter earned.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.

So little time and so little to do.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

Marriage is a triumph of habit over hate.

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

When you give up drinking, you have to deal with that wonderful personality that started you drinking in the first place.

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing the other patients.

I knew her before she was a virgin.

So little time, so little to do.

- Oscar Levant