Henny Youngman

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

What?s the use of happiness? It can?t buy you money.

- Henny Youngman