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Groucho Marx
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
Groucho Marx - "Duck Soup" 1934
Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
Groucho Marx - A Day at the Races - 1936
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
You are only as old as the woman you feel.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?
Politics doesn?t make strange bedfellows--marriage does.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
- Groucho Marx