George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning anf a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible.

Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

- George Burns