Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck - on her tombstone
I told you I was sick.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

- Erma Bombeck