Doug Larson

If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is when you have three - and paradise is when you have none.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

- Doug Larson