Memorable Quotes

Collection

The illusion that times that were are better than those that are, has probably pervaded all ages.

It is impossible to mentally or socially enslave a Bible reading People.

- Horace Greeley

• Horace Greeley

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

I have spent most of my time worrying about thigs that have never happened.
Mark Twain - Greatly Exaggerated
The best coffee in Europe is Vienna coffee, compared to which all other coffee is fluid poverty.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
Mark Twain - Following the Equator (1897)
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Principles have no real force except when one is well fed.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.

It is noble to teach oneself, it is still nobler to teach others.
Mark Twain - What Is Man? (1906)
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.
Mark Twain - "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling"
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g
j" anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain - The Gorky Incident
Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain - Notebook, 1935
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer.
Mark Twain - Notebooks (1935)
What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Get your facts first and then you can distort them as much as you wish.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.

It could probably be show by facts and figures that there is no distinctively native American criminal class except Congress.

I was born modest. Not all over, but in spots.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.
Mark Twain - Following the Equator (1897)
It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain - Following the Equator (1897)
Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
Mark Twain - The Mysterious Stranger, chapter 10 (1916)
[Humanity] has unquestionably one really effective weapon?laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution?these can lift at a colossal humbug?push it a little?weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Mark Twain - in Christian Science
The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain - Speech in NYC, Jan. 22, 1906
The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong; he can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
Mark Twain - Following the Equator
A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.
Mark Twain - "Advice to Youth" Speech, 1882
If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.
Mark Twain - The Mysterious Stranger, Chapter IX
[Mankind] is governed by minorities, seldom or never by majorities. It suppresses its feelings and its beliefs and follows the handful that makes the most noise. Sometimes the noisy handful is right, sometimes wrong, but no matter, the crowd follows it.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

I can live two months on a good compliment.

This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Mark Twain - Notebooks (1935)
Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be led by the nose.
Mark Twain - inscription beneath his bust in the Hall of Fame
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill always came together, who would escape hanging?

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds upon the heel that crushes it.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

A patriot is mocked, scorned and hated; yet when his cause succeeds, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

George Washington as a boy was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth - he could not even lie.

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething.
Mark Twain - (attributed)
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain - A Curious Dream (1872)
Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
Mark Twain - The Mysterious Stranger
Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize that sanity and hapiness are an impossible combination?

So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain - Notebook, 1935
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.

Carlyle said, "A lie cannot live"; it shows he did not know how to tell them.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Mark Twain - quoted in Mark Twain and I, Opie Read, 1940
Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

In Marseilles they make half the toilet soap we consume in America, but the Marseillaise only have a vague theoretical idea of its use, which they have obtained from books of travel.

Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it....
Mark Twain - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
Mark Twain - Following the Equator
The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.

When in doubt, tell the truth.
Mark Twain - Speech in New York, Nov. 20, 1900
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
Mark Twain - Notebooks (1935)
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

I did it partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.

There are times when one would like to end the whole human race, and finish the farce.

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain - Wearing White Clothes speech, 1907
I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake.

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you.

We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards
Mark Twain - Mark Twain In Eruption
Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it--and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit on a hot stove lid again--and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
Mark Twain - "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer", Chapter 2
He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain - The Diaries of Adam and Eve
How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

"Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.

I did not attend his funeral, but I wrote a nice letter saying I approved it.

At the beginning of a great national change, the patriot is a scarce man: scorned, ridiculed and forgotten. When his cause succeeds, however, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.
Mark Twain - "Is Shakespeare Dead?"
I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.

Golf is a good walk, ruined.

I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.

We all have thoughts that would shame the devil.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence -- and then success is sure.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world.

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain - New York Journal, June 2, 1897
The report of my death was an exaggeration.
Mark Twain - Following the Equator (1897)
There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.

We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Mark Twain - What Is Man? (1906)
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

[He was] a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

If you take a dog which is starving and feed him and make him prosperous, that dog will not bite you. This is the primary difference between a dog and a man.

Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain - Letter to Mrs Foote, Dec. 2, 1887
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

October is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. Others are July, January, April, September, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. (Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.)

- Mark Twain

• Mark Twain

Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground.

If I must choose between righteousness and peace, I choose righteousness.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Theodore Roosevelt - 1916 (quoted in the Theodore Roosevelt Centennial CD-ROM)
Justice consists not in being neutral between right and wrong, but in finding out the right and upholding it, wherever found, against the wrong.

The country needs and, unless I mistake its temper, the country demands bold, persistent, experimentation. It is common sense to take a method and try it, if it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.

Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

While my interest in natural history has added very little to my sum of achievement, it has added immeasurably to my sum of enjoyment in life.

A vote is like a rifle: its usefulness depends upon the character of the user.
Theodore Roosevelt - Theodore Roosevelt, an autobiography
Of all forms of tyranny the least attractive and the most vulgar is the tyranny of mere wealth, the tyranny of plutocracy.
Theodore Roosevelt - Speech in Chicago, 3 Apr. 1903
There is a homely old adage which runs: "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far." If the American nation will speak softly, and yet build and keep at a pitch of the highest training a thoroughly efficient navy, the Monroe Doctrine will go far.
Theodore Roosevelt - "Man in the Arena" Speech given April 23, 1910
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic, is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.

When I say I believe in a square deal i do not mean ... to give every man the best hand. If the cards do not come to any man, or if they do come, and he has not got the power to play them, that is his affair. All I mean is that there shall be no crookedness in the dealing.

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again. Because there is no effort without error and shortcomings, he who knows the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the high achievement of triumph and who at worst, if he fails while daring greatly, knows his place shall never be with those timid and cold souls who know neither victory nor defeat".

The great virtue of my radicalism lies in the fact that I am perfectly ready, if necessary, to be radical on the conservative side.
Theodore Roosevelt - last words, 6 January 1919
Put out the light.

Do what you can with what you have where you are.

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic, is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things.
Theodore Roosevelt - The Man in the Arena
Far better is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.
Theodore Roosevelt - Labor Day speech at Syracuse, NY, Sept 7, 1903 ("Theodore Rex" - Edmund Morris)
The death-knell of the republic had rung as soon as the active power became lodged in the hands of those who sought, not to do justice to all citizens, rich and poor alike, but to stand for one special class and for its interests as opposed to the interests of others.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Theodore Roosevelt - Speech in New York, September 7, 1903
Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.

To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.

Do what you can with what you have, where you are.

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education.

Nine-tenths of wisdom consists in being wise in time.
Theodore Roosevelt - An Autobiography
Practical efficiency is common, and lofty idealism not uncommon; it is the combination which is necessary, and the combination is rare
Theodore Roosevelt - Paris, Sorbonne 1910
It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not Guilty."

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
Theodore Roosevelt - sign posted at his grave site
Spend and be spent.

- Theodore Roosevelt

• Theodore Roosevelt

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

- Solomon - King of Israel, The Bible Proverbs 31:30

• Solomon - King of Israel, The Bible Proverbs 31:30

It will yet be the proud boast of women that they never contributed a line to the Bible.

- George W. Foote

• George W. Foote

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
G.K. Chesterton - Orthodoxy
The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it it his head that splits.

A large section of the intelligentsia seems wholly devoid of intelligence.

Coincidences are spiritual puns.

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.

The classes that wash most are those that work least.

Nowadays a citizen can hardly distinguish between a tax and a fine, except that the fine is generally much lighter.
G.K. Chesterton - Orthodoxy
Nietzche started a nonsensical idea that men had once sought as good what we now call evil; if it were so, we could not talk of surpassing or even falling short of them.

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

One must somehow find a way of loving the world without trusting it; somehow one must love the world without being worldly.

The only people who seem to have nothing to do with the education of the children are the parents.

I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.

What a glorious garden of wonders the lights of Broadway would be to anyone lucky enough to be unable to read.

Psychoanalysis is confession without absolution.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

- G.K. Chesterton

• G.K. Chesterton

I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious idea of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking.

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
Thomas A. Edison - 1847-1931
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

All Bibles are man-made.

There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid the labor of thinking.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.

A genius is just a talented person who does his homework.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

- Thomas A. Edison

• Thomas A. Edison

The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

A room without books is like a body without a soul.

Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult, and not tried.

The poor complain that they are governed badly. The rich complain that they are governed at all.
G. K. Chesterton - Heretics (1905)
There is no such thing on earth as an uninteresting subject; the only thing that can exist is an uninterested person.

It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong.

I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite.

"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober."

By a curious confusion, many modern critics have passed from the proposition that a masterpiece may be unpopular to the other proposition that unless it is unpopular it cannot be a masterpiece.

If a rhinoceros were to enter this resteraunt now, there is no denying he would have great power here. But I would be the first to rise and assure him that he had no authority whatever.

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author.
G. K. Chesterton - Orthodoxy
Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking about.

I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it.

People in high life are hardened to the wants and distresses of mankind as surgeons are to their bodily pains.

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.

I still believe in liberalism today as much as I ever did, but, oh, there was a happy time when I believed in liberals...

The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion.
G. K. Chesterton - The Tremendous Adventures of Major Brown
The discovery of this strange society was a curiously refreshing thing; to realize that there were ten new trades in the world was like looking at the first ship or the first plough. It made a man feel what he should feel, that he was still in the childhood of the world.

Truth must necessarily be stranger than fiction, for fiction is the creation of the human mind and therefore congenial to it.
G. K. Chesterton - Defendant (1901)
Literature is a luxury; fiction is a necessity.

If there were no God, there would be no Atheists.

To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
G. K. Chesterton - "Heretics", 1905
There are no wise few. Every aristocracy that has ever existed has behaved, in all essential points, exactly like a small mob.

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.

Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere.

The honest poor can sometimes forget poverty. The honest rich can never forget it.

Men always talk about the most important things to perfect strangers. In the perfect stranger we perceive man himself; the image of a God is not disguised by resemblances to an uncle or doubts of wisdom of a mustache.

There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.
G. K. Chesterton - Orthodoxy; p. 14
The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums.

A dead thing goes with the stream. Only a living thing can go against it.
G. K. Chesterton - Defendant (1901)
All slang is a metaphor, and all metaphor is poetry.
G. K. Chesterton - Flying Inn (1914)
The rich are the scum of the earth in every country.

Fallacies do not cease to be fallacies because they become fashions.

You can never have a revolution in order to establish a democracy. You must have a democracy in order to have a revolution

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.

- G. K. Chesterton

• G. K. Chesterton

When you have read the Bible, you will know it is the word of God, because you will have found it the key to your own heart, your own happiness, and your own duty.

There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed.

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.

A nation which does not remember what it was yesterday, does not know what it is today, nor what it is trying to do. We are trying to do a futile thing if we do not know where we came from or what we have been about.

The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.

If a dog will not come to you after he has looked you in face, you should go home and examine your consicence.

I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.
Woodrow Wilson - April 2, 1917
The world must be made safe for democracy.
Woodrow Wilson - Speech in Philadelphia, May 10, 1915
There is such a thing as a man being too proud to fight; there is such a thing as a nation being so right that it does not need to convince others by force that it is right.

You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.

No man can sit down and withhold his hands from the warfare against wrong and get peace from his acquiescence.

A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.

America lives in the heart of every man everywhere who wishes to find a region where he will be free to work out his destiny as he chooses.

Just what is it that America stands for? If she stands for one thing more than another it is for the sovereignty of self-governing people.

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
Woodrow Wilson - _Congressional Government_, p. 109
No one who has read official documents needs to be told how easy it is to conceal the essential truth under the apparently candid and all- disclosing phrases of a voluminous and particularizing report....

The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.

...it is as hard to do your duty when men are sneering at you as when they are shooting at you.
Woodrow Wilson - Speech to Congress, Apr. 2, 1917
The world must be made safe for democracy. Its peace must be planted upon the tested foundations of political liberty.
Woodrow Wilson - Speech in New York, Apr. 20, 1915
No nation is fit to sit in judgement upon any other nation.

You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.

When men take up arms to set other men free, there is something sacred and holy in the warfare.

One cool judgment is worth a thousand hasty councils. The thing is to supply light and not heat

Here is a great body of our Jewish citizens from whom have sprung men of genius in every walk of our varied life; men who have conceived of its ideals with singular clearness; and led enterprises with sprit & sagacity... They are not Jews in America, they are American citizens.

- Woodrow Wilson

• Woodrow Wilson

I am not concerned that you have fallen; I am concerned that you arise.

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.

Let me not be understood as saying that there are no bad laws, nor that grievances may not arise for the redress of which no legal provisions have been made. I mean to say no such thing. But I do mean to say that although bad laws, if they exist, should be repealed as soon as possible, still, while they continue in force, for the sake of example they should be religiously observed.
Abraham Lincoln - in a book review
People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. And that is my religion.

Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker the lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough.

He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
Abraham Lincoln - (attributed)
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crises. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?
Abraham Lincoln - (attributed)
When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion.

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I ever met.

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

I am for those means which will give the greatest good to the greatest number.

My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it.

You may deceive all the people part of the time, and part of the people all the time, but not all the people all the time.

No matter how much the cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

It often requires more courage to dare to do right than to fear to do wrong.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

We are not enemies but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic cords of memory shall swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of nature.
Abraham Lincoln - Second Inaugural Address, Mar. 4, 1865
With malice toward none, with charity for all, ...let us strive on to finish the work we are in, ...to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.

Neither Heaven nor Hell. It is simply Purgatory.

It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels he is worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.

What is conservativism? Is it not the aherence to the old and tried against the new and untried?

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
Abraham Lincoln - speech in Washington D.C., 1865
I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.
Abraham Lincoln - A House Divided
I do not believe the Union will disolve, I believe it will become all one thing, or all the other.

No man resolved to make the most of himself has time to waste on personal contention.

The ballot is stronger than the bullet.

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

If you look for the bad in people, you will surely find it.
Abraham Lincoln - On Marriage
No matter how much cats fight there always seem to be plenty of Kittens.

It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.

Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

I will study and get ready, and perhaps my chance will come.

Those who would deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under a just God, cannot long retain it.
Abraham Lincoln - in a letter to J. M. Cutts, October 26, 1863
Quarrel not at all. No man resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention.
Abraham Lincoln - letter to Secretary of War Edwin Stanton, July 18, 1864
Truth is generally the best vindication against slander.

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

Both read the same Bible, and pray to the same God; and each invokes his aid against the other.... The prayers of both could not be answered--that of neither has been answered fully.

I will prepare and some day my chance will come.

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any one thing.

I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him.

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?

Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived.

If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

The provision of the Constitution giving the war-making power to Congress was dictated, as I understand it, by the following reasons. Kings had always been involving and impoverishing their people in wars, pretending generally, if not always, that the good of the people was the object. This, our Convention understood to be the most oppressive of all Kingly oppressions; and they resolved to so frame the Constitution that no one man should hold the power of bringing this oppression upon us.

If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Whatever you are, be a good one.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

People are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all... Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better... And yet this is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again.

The worst thing you can do for those you love is the things they could and should do themselves.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I only had an hour to chop down a tree, I would spend the first 45 minutes sharpening my axe.

That some should be rich, shows that others may become rich, and, hence, is just encouragement to industry and enterprise.

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

The Lord prefers common-looking people. That is why he makes so many of them.

Whatever you are, be a good one.
Abraham Lincoln - Gettysburg Address
...and that this country shall have a new birth of freedom, and that this government, of the people, for the people, by the people, shall not perish from the Earth.

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

Upon the subject of education, not presuming to dictate any plan or system respecting it, I can only say that I view it as the most important subject which we as a people may be engaged in. That everyone may receive at least a moderate education appears to be an objective of vital importance.

- Abraham Lincoln

• Abraham Lincoln

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures.

I was born an American; I will live an American; I shall die an American.

If we abide by the principles taught by the Bible, our country will go on prospering.

The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.

The world is governed more by appearances than realities, so that it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as to know it.

Good intentions will always be pleaded for every assumption of authority. It is hardly too strong to say that the Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions. There are men in all ages who mean to govern well, but they mean to govern. They promise to be good masters, but they mean to be masters.

God grants liberty only to those who love it and are always ready to guard and defend it.
Daniel Webster - last words, 24 October 1852.
I still live.

Mind is the great lever of all things.

- Daniel Webster

• Daniel Webster

It is error only, and not truth, that shrinks from inquiry.
Thomas Paine - Common Sense
When my country, into which I had just set my foot, was set on fire about my ears, it was time to stir. It was time for every man to stir.

Such is the irresistible nature of truth that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing.

He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.

The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.

Whenever we read the obscene stories, voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and tortous executions, the unrelenting vindictivenes, with which more than half the Bible is filled, it would be more consistant that we called it the word of a Demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind, and, for my part, I sincerly detest it as I detest everything that is cruel.

Character is much easier kept than recovered.
Thomas Paine - The Age of Reason
"What is it the Bible teaches us? - rapine, cruelty, and murder. What is it the Testament teaches us? - to believe that the Almighty committed debauchery with a woman engaged to be married, and the belief of this debauchery is called faith.

All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian, or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.

What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly... it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as Freedom should not be highly rated.

Better fare hard with good men than feast it with bad.
Thomas Paine - "The Age of Reason"
Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the bible is filled, it would seem more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the Word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind.

A thing moderately good is not so good as it ought to be. Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice.

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
Thomas Paine - "Age of Reason"
All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.

Better fare hard with good men than feast it with bad.

Human nature is not of itself vicious.
Thomas Paine - in his "The Rights of Man" (1791)
The instant formal government is abolished, society begins to act. A general association takes place, and common interest produces common security.
Thomas Paine - "The Rights of Man", 1792
A thing moderately good is not so good as it ought to be. Moderation in temper is always a virtue, but moderation in principle is always a vice.

I fear not, I see not reason for fear. In the end we will be the victors. For though at times the flame of liberty may cease to shine, the ember will never expire.

Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the bible is filled, it would seem more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the Word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind.

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.
Thomas Paine - "The American Crisis"
What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only that gives everything its value.

It is the duty of every patriot to protect his country from its government.
Thomas Paine - Common Sense
Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.

- Thomas Paine

• Thomas Paine

Education - The ability to quote Shakespeare without crediting it to the Bible.

- Evan Edgar

• Evan Edgar

Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
Bible - Jesus in Matthew 5:9
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Bible - New Testament, I Thessalonians
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
Bible - Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Bible - Proverbs 26:4 (NIV)
Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.
Bible - New Testament, James, Chapter 1, Verse 12
Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life.
Bible - Mark 8:36
For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Bible - James 2:19 (New International Version)
You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and shudder.
Bible - Isaiah 32:17
And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.
Bible - Psalm 27:1 NLT
The Lord is my light and my salvation - so why should I be afraid.
Bible - Deuteronomy 31:6 NAS
Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble...for the Lord, your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
Bible - Colossians 3:16
Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, as you teach and admonish one another in all wisdom, and as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Bible - John 8:32
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Bible - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Bible - Proverbs 23:7
As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
Bible - Old Testament
Forsake not an old friend; for the new is not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou shalt drink it with pleasure.
Bible - New Testament, Matthew 7:7
Ask, and it shall be given you; Seek, and ye shall find; Knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
Bible - Proverbs, 4:7
Wisdom is the principal thing, therefore get wisdom; and with all thy getting, get understanding.
Bible - Psalms 133
Behold, how good and pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity.
Bible - Psalm 23, New Testament
Yea, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me... Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me throughout the rest of my life and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Bible - Ecclesaistes 7:14
When times are good, be happy, but when time are bad consider; God has made the one as well as the other.
Bible - Paul, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Bible - Proverbs, XLI, 32
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.

- Bible - Luke 6:21

• Bible - Luke 6:21

There are in nature neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences.

Any doctrine that will not bear investigation is not a fit tenant for the mind of an honest man.
Robert Ingersoll - On Isadora Duncan
Under the influence of art the walls expand, the roof rises, and it becomes a temple.

The true civilization is where every man gives to every other every right that he claims for himself.
Robert Ingersoll - ?What Must We Do To Be Saved?? (1880)
If we are immortal it is a fact in nature, and we are not indebted to priests for it, nor to bibles for it, and it cannot be destroyed by unbelief.

Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.

Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself.
Robert Ingersoll - The Philosophy of Ingersoll (1906), "Fragments"
There is no slavery but ignorance.

- Robert Ingersoll

• Robert Ingersoll

Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.

We should have had socialism already, but for the socialists.

Nothing is worth doing unless the consequences may be serious.

Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
George Bernard Shaw - "Ceasar and Cleopatra"
Pardon him, Theodotus: he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

What is virtue but the trades unionism of the married.

If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must man be of learning from experience.

Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw - The Apple Cart (1930)
I never resist temptation because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.

I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going.

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.

It is most unwise for people in love to marry.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) act 1
There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

Hell is full of musical amateurs.

Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.

Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad.

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.

The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
George Bernard Shaw - Major Barbara (1907) act 3
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

Criminals do not die by the hands of the law. They die by the hands of other men.

An institution which is populare because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself and hates them for it.

All censorships exist to prevent any one from challenging current conceptions and existing institutions. All progress is initiated by challenging current conceptions, and executed by supplanting existing institutions. Consequently the first condition of progress is the removal of censorships.

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

All great truths begin as blasphemies.

If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.

The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist.
George Bernard Shaw - "Man and Superman" (1903), act I
The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is.

All great truths begin as blasphemies.

All professions are conspiracies against the laity.
George Bernard Shaw - Major Barbara (1907) act 2
Alcohol is a very necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) act 3
Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned.

Fashions are the only induced epidemics, proving that epidemics can be induced by tradesmen.
George Bernard Shaw - when asked on his deathbed, ?What would you do if you could live your life over again?
I?d like to be the person I could have been but never was.

The 100% American is 99% an idiot.

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo.

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: He is always convinced that it says what he means.

A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
George Bernard Shaw - An Unsocial Socialist (1887) ch. 5
"Do you know what a pessimist is?" "A man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it."

If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.

What we call education and culture is for the most part nothing but the substitution of reading for experience, of literature for life, of the obsolete fictitious for the contemporary real.

It is most unwise for people in love to marry
George Bernard Shaw - Candida (1898) act 1
Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about? They are more true: they are the only things that are true.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die; any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman, 1903
A learned man is an idler who kills time with study. Beware of his false knowledge: it is more dangerous than ignorance.

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.

Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on earth.

We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.

Democracy: The substitution of election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

What God hath joined together no man shall put asunder: God will take care of that.
George Bernard Shaw - Shewing-Up of Blanco Posnet (1911) "Limits to Toleration"
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than saying a drunken man is happier than a sober man.

England and America are two countries separated by a common language.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

Take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then say it with the utmost levity.

Life is a disease; and the only diference between one another is the stage of the disease at which he lives.
George Bernard Shaw - Caesar and Cleopatra (1901) act 4
He who has never hoped can never despair.

He who can, does. He who cannot teaches.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Beware of the man whose God is in the skies.

We must make the world honest before we can honestly say to our children that honesty is the best policy.

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

All great truths begin as blasphemies.

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.

You are going to let the fear of poverty govern your life and your reward will be that you will eat, but you will not live.
George Bernard Shaw - Annajanska (1919)
All great truths begin as blasphemies.

It took me twenty years of studied self-restraint, aided by the natural decay of my faculties, to make myself dull enough to be accepted as a serious person by the British public.

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

I showed my appreciation of my native land in the usual Irish way by getting out of it as soon as I possibly could.

Virtue is insufficient temptation.

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.

Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.

Reviewing has one advantage over suicide: in suicide you take it out on yourself; in reviewing you take it out on other people.

Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich--something for nothing.

Crude classifications and false generalizations are the curse of organized life.

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903), Maxims for Revolutionists
Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

The love of money is the root of all virtue.

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

The fickleness of the women whom I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

All my life, affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.

Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw - Pygmalion (1916) preface
The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.

Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage -- it can be delightful.

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

My main reason for adopting literature as a profession was that, as the author is never seen by his clients, he need not dress respectably.

We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years and justify our existence...on pain of liquidation.

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.

Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.
George Bernard Shaw - "St. Joan"
The Churches must learn humility as well as teach it.
George Bernard Shaw - Major Barbara (1907) act 2
I am a Millionaire. That is my religion.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.

Beware of the man whose God is in the skies.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
George Bernard Shaw - Caesar and Cleopatra (1901)
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.

Nothing ever is done in this world until men are prepared to kill one another if it is not done.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) act 3
An Englishman thinks he is moral when he is only uncomfortable.

While we ourselves are the living graves of murdered beasts, how can we expect any ideal conditions on this earth?
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman, Epistle Dedicatory
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
George Bernard Shaw - "Metamagical Themas" by Douglas Hofstadter
You see things, and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were, and say "Why not?

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman
Audacious ribald: your laughter will finish in hideous boredom before morning.

All professions are conspiracies against the laity.

Nobel prize money is a lifebelt thrown to a swimmer who has already reached the shore in safety.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.
George Bernard Shaw - "Man and Superman" (1903), act I
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

When a man wants to murder a tiger he calls it sport; when a tiger wants to murder him he calls it ferocity.

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

He who has never hoped can never despair.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.

In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.

A life spent in making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing.

Success covers a multitude of blunders.
George Bernard Shaw - Back to Methuselah (1921) pt. 5
Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw - "Answers to Nine Questions"
My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.

Patriotism is a pernicious, psychopathic form of idiocy.

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor.
George Bernard Shaw - Pygmalion (1916) preface
It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him.

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

The chief objection of playing wind instruments is that it prolongs the life of the player.

A dramatic critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols, or bombs without incurring any penalties.

Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.

What is the matter with the poor is poverty; what is the matter with the rich is uselessness.
George Bernard Shaw - The Philanderer (1898) act 2
The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

Few people think more than two or three times a year. I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.
George Bernard Shaw - Candida (1898) act 1
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Youth, which is forgiven everything, forgives itself nothing: age, which forgives itself everything, is forgiven nothing.

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
George Bernard Shaw - Plays Pleasant and Unpleasant (1898)
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

Virtue is insufficient temptation.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.

If more than ten percent of the population likes a painting it should be burned, for it must be bad.

If the lesser mind could measure the greater as a footrule can measure a pyramid, there would be finality in universal suffrage. As it is, the political problem remains unsolved.

Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

England and America are two countries seperated by the same language.

A man ought to be able to be fond of his wife without making a fool of himself about her.

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
George Bernard Shaw - Man and Superman (1903) "Maxims for Revolutionists"
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does.

This is the true joy in life -- being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one...

Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever when they are only wasting their time.

- George Bernard Shaw

• George Bernard Shaw

Society has traditionally always tried to find scapegoats for its problems. Well, here I am.

The weak ones are there to justify the strong.

I like it [The Bible] as a book. Just like I like "The Cat In The Hat"

We live in a society of victimization, where people are much more comfortable being victimized than actually standing up for themselves.

- Marilyn Manson

• Marilyn Manson

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things, there is no law.

- The Apostle Paul (Saul of Tarsus) - The Bible- Galations 5:22-23 NIV

• The Apostle Paul (Saul of Tarsus) - The Bible- Galations 5:22-23 NIV

It sure does, Ben, it definitely does...this is definite...it specifically clearly, unequivocally says that Russia and other countries will enter into war and God will destroy Russia through earthquakes, volcanoes...
Pat Robertson - The World Almanac and Book of Facts, 1993
It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.

- Pat Robertson - when asked the question "Does the Bible specifically tell us what is going to happen in the future", "700 Club" D

• Pat Robertson - when asked the question "Does the Bible specifically tell us what is going to happen in the future", "700 Club" D